Life and Food Porn.


Zen.
April 13, 2009, 8:43 pm
Filed under: Daily, Relaxation | Tags: , ,

I am coming ever-so-close to finding the calm center in which I can finally crank out meaningful work and simply be myself. Within the past couple of months, I have been able to push myself to my physical limitations, and at the same time still find peace with the world. The strange thing is, I found this out today while doing a one-handed handstand up against a wall. One arm stretched outright, blood rushing to my head, and slight ringing in my ears, I closed my eyes and counted to five. The first second was the hardest, as if the sound of my voice alone was trying to conform with the rest of the world, but by the time I finally got to the last breath of the number five, I was practically weightless. In these little sessions of working my body to personal extremes, I’ve never run faster in my life, and now I’m not only running, I’m jumping over obstacles. Both in a literal sense and figurative sense, they’re ineffective of even blocking my path. Since I was a little kid, one of my greater strength’s has been the ability to think “Outside the box.” and only as of recently, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that the world is my playground. I’m running, jumping, climbing and sprinting faster than I ever have before. But it doesn’t stop there, I want to get faster, better, stronger, and I’m not really sure as to why even. Maybe it’s because when I think on my feet, I’m faster than anybody I know. When I see a wall, well, there’s got to be some way around it. I haven’t seen a wall yet I’ve been unable to climb, at least in the physical realm.

It seems stupid, maybe ridiculous to say that when every little thing goes to hell, if you just take a second out of your day to just relax and remember to breathe, you end up fine in the end. I have been trying so hard this year to find my little zen center, and to be my own Buddha. Not to let the points in my life dictate how I want to live and to follow my own wind, as it were. I can feel being so close to that point, that little zephyr of truth. The little breeze in which I’m not always stressed anymore/ It has felt like I’ve been holding my breath my entire life, and especially in my little running sessions, where I run until my little legs just won’t carry me, I feel like I’ve accomplished something. Not sure sometimes as to what that ‘something’ might be, but sometimes it’s nice to not have a point of knowing what exactly it is, just to know that it’s something. Feeling-wise, it’s not a feeling of lightheadedness or just simple victory, but along the lines of absolution. 

Personal Invincibility seems to be a better word for it.

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