Life and Food Porn.


“Wooden it be nice?”
June 17, 2009, 2:16 pm
Filed under: Daily | Tags:

If that video hasn’t made your day interesting enough, well, have I got a story for you. Brace yourself for what will follow.

Seriously.

Woke up this morning ten minutes before my alarm went off, took a shower with no cold water (because for some reason, our house doesn’t have COLD water? Was strange, let me tell you.) I, without a doubt, looked bizarre in the shower. I was running in and out of the water trying not to slip or burn myself while washing myself and brushing my teeth, all at the same time. After figuring out that I still have yet to take many of my clean, folded clothes out of the trunk of my car, I headed out of my house (sans shirt.) with my longboard and backpack in tow. Upon placing a single foot out the door, I was met with a torrential (while strangely brief.) storm. Stepping on inside, contemplating what I should do, I placed my longboard back inside and headed to unlock my car and get a shirt. I stepped outside, only to find it wasn’t raining anymore. Longboarding hopes shot for the day (due to the fact that I ride like crap in the rain, and it isn’t good for the board as a whole.) I trudged on ahead with my day.

As I headed to breakfast, the weather took a secondary turn for the worse, and started to rain ever so slightly. Once I got to breakfast, I tried, keyword TRIED to eat an apple, only to have my taste buds meet something that looked like an apple, felt like an apple, but tasted like decomposing foam. I kid you not, this was the most disgusting apple I have ever tried to stomach. That statement alone is impressive because the apples here have been less than stellar ALL SUMMER. Disgusting. Anyways, while still perturbed by my experience yesterday with the small children tennis camp, (See side story.) I was hesitant after my bad apple to even go to the cereal bar and get my usual bowl of Raisen Bran. Usually, I’d end up getting granola, but since it’s expensive (Or seemingly moreso than shit-like apples…) the college decided to phase it out for the summer employee’s. After calmly eating my Raisen Bran, I headed back to the fruit/salad bar. Normally, I tend to avoid banana’s. However, I found, and I kid you not, a banana the size of my freaking forearm. This sucker is a MAN-ana. Huge, disproportionate, and slightly disturbing.

After taking this strange banana with me for lunch, I looked outside, only to find a slight HURRICANE whipping the crap out of my campus. Braving this strange and sudden storm, I arrived here, at work. Now, I’m answering phones for the rest of the day.

Side Story: Yesterday, when I was getting my daily bowl of Raisen Bran, some little spaz of a child walked up to me and said directly, “Why are you eating that stuff? It’s so gross! It’s such an adult cereal! Why don’t you eat Lucky Charms or something! Ew!” Having nothing to say to this small demon, I somewhat stammered and just stared as this little urchin walked on off babbling to her friends about the coming day. The “Adult” part stung a bit when stated. I am in no way an adult, nor could I think of a witty response to this impish little brat. How can something like that really happen to you in the MORNING? I mean, come on, that’s not even fighting fair. I wasn’t even awake yet.

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3 Comments so far
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From the first paragraph on, all I could imagine was this entire story as a Pixar short film – you know, the ones at the beginning of the movies – with you wandering around your daily routine, getting attacked by all these random acts of crazy (including the small child), and you dumbfounded. Awesomely entertaining 🙂

Comment by ehfbritt

did that gig-normous banana make you feel a little insecure Mr. O? Silly…

Has anybody called you “Sir” yet – “Ma’m” had (has) quite a sting for me!

Comment by Amy

MAN-ana. hahahah. that made my day.
As for the little demon that attacked your cereal in the wee hours of the morning, you should have come back with the “Well, you know what? If you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all.” I guess I’m still so stuck in my child stage that I could have fought back.

Comment by mary




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